


Come Slowly, Eden

by tenandi



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Aziraphale surprises all of us, Can't Hardly Wait, Crowley is hard but wants to be soft, Eventual BDSM, High School grads, Implied Parental Abuse, Sex, Shitty Ex-Boyfriends, soft bois, soul mates, starting college
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-01
Updated: 2019-08-18
Packaged: 2020-07-28 08:30:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 18,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20061058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tenandi/pseuds/tenandi
Summary: Aziraphale is with Gabriel. Crowley is with Lucifer. It’s senior year and next weekend is the party of the century.





	1. Tell all the truth but tell it slant

“Of course we’re going,” Gabriel deadpanned. He wasn’t used to being questioned. Aziraphale wilted as usual.

“I just meant...it's some of the last time we have together,” Az was saying as he stuffed a pile of books into his locker. “I don’t know if I want to spend it with the ship of fools we call our graduating class.”

Gabriel smirked, which he was particularly adept at. He curled his fingers into Aziraphale’s blond locks and tugged lightly. “It wouldn’t kill us to socialize a bit.”

Aziraphale grimaced. ‘Socialization’ was the only thing Gabe ever really cared about. It wasn’t enough that he was crowned Prom King or made football quarterback. He necessitated an adoring crowd at all times. Of course, it was one of the things that drew Az to him initially, being a much more shy and introverted person, but these days it was starting to get a bit stale. Az wondered where he fit into this grand narrative. Sometimes it felt like he didn’t.

“Look,” Aziraphale tried again. “You’re off to Ohio State and I’m slated for Cambridge. We’re going to be worlds apart! I kind of hoped it could be just us, you know?”

“Babe,” Gabriel said in a bored manner, his eyes already scanning beyond Aziraphale for something more stimulating. “We’re not going to blow off what could be the best night of our lives. This is the party of the century! Trust me, you’ll love it.”

Gabriel ended the conversation on this tone of finality before pushing Aziraphale against his locker and kissing him deeply. Az tried not to be overly affected, but Gabriel was one of the best looking guys at school. Maybe that’s why it was so easy for him to talk Aziraphale into nearly anything.

“Later,” Gabe breathed, and in the next moment he was enveloped into a sea of traveling students.

Aziraphale sighed and rubbed his hand over his face.

Meanwhile behind the cafeteria a group of students were vaping weed and trading a brown sack-covered bottle between them. Lucifer was laughing hysterically while Hastur mimicked a rude pantomime against the dumpster. He smacked it for emphasis. “And that was just her first go-round!”

Crowley rolled his eyes. He didn’t understand why Lucifer surrounded himself with these idiots other than their ready supply of drugs and booze. He gladly took the bottle when it came his way. Drinking staved off the boredom.

“So who’s going to Beelzebub’s party Saturday night?” Ligur asked, taking a deep hit before choking and spitting on the ground.

Crowley sneered. “Her name is Beatrice.”

Lucifer’s gaze drifted to Crowley’s with a slight smirk. “Then why is it love, that Beelzebub seems to roll off the tongue so sweetly?”

Hastur laughed harshly. “Cuz she’s a slag!” Ligur joined him in a round of riotous snorts.

Lucifer cooled, seeming to have lost his appetite for the present company. He turned smoothly to walk away and Crowley quickly followed.

“We’re not really going, right?” Crowley tried to affirm as he slunk beside his boyfriend.

Lucifer stopped and ran his hands over Crowley’s shoulders before skimming down his waist and grasping his arse tightly. “Oh fuck. What else are we going to do? It’s not like we’ve got college plans lined up. Might as well raise some hell.”

He leaned forward and kissed down Crowley’s neck, and he shivered at the touch. It wasn’t exactly that he was ‘lying’ to Lucifer so much as omitting the fact that he’d been accepted to Cambridge. The only reason he hadn’t revealed this tidbit was that he feared the mocking response of his S.O. Lucifer didn’t believe in plans or goals. To be perfectly honest, Crowley wasn’t sure Lucifer believed in anything at all.

Lucifer was regarding him suspiciously, but eased any tension over with a mercurial smile. “Nothing a little X can’t solve. C’mon, we’ll make our own fun.”

Crowley nodded trying desperately to believe him.

-

Beatrice’s party was all anyone talked about until the end of the week. Apparently, her millionaire parents had set off for France or Switzerland, or wherever rich absent parents disappeared to when the time was right. It was Regent High School tradition to ring in the final year with an explosive blow-out, and what better way to celebrate than caravanning the horde to posh Kensington?

Like all teenagers about to hit adulthood, many of the students were looking for excuses to check boxes off their bucket lists before Uni. Virginity, general debauchery, and pure deviance made top marks for many. For others, however, it didn’t mean much of anything. It was just another stupid high school party.

Aziraphale certainly counted among these ranks. He tried to make his way through the last week of school as he had all others, by studying diligently and keeping his head low. His best friend Anathema was much the same, other than her crippling desire to finally unite with Newton Pulsifer, her crush of three long years. For some reason, she believed this party might be her last chance.

“You think he’ll be there?” she asked for the seventh time.

Az tried to maintain his composure despite his annoyance. “You did invite him!” he reminded. “And if it makes you feel better, I’ll remind him myself!”

Anathema looked at him as if he’d just performed a miracle. “You will?” she gasped. “Oh, Azi! Thank you!!!”

Aziraphale groaned internally. The last thing he wanted to do was play matchmaker, but then, what the hell were friends for?

He found Newt in the chem lab, which was par for the course. The awkward object of Anathema’s affection was reticent to attend, but finally caved when Aziraphale mentioned that his friend would be ‘elated’ to see him there. That good deed done, Aziraphale could finally focus on the matter at hand. How exactly could he get out of this obligation himself?


	2. The Mind is so near itself—it cannot see, distinctly—and I have none to ask—

Crowley heard the purr of Lucifer’s Porsche before he saw it. As planned, he snuck out the window of his father’s trailer rather than explain his departure. The old man was five in already, so he wouldn’t notice his son’s covert escape.

In the car, Lucifer insisted on playing some band called Godflesh that set Crowley’s teeth on edge. On his own, Crowley preferred the Cure or Morrissey, not that he’d ever expose himself by admitting it. The bass rattled all the way to Beatrice’s Westbourne Grove abode, and continued to reverberate in his ears after the car’s engine cut out.

“Here we are,” Lucifer said lightly.

Crowley shuffled in his seat, hesitant to move. Lucifer eyed him from the driver’s seat.

“Why so glum?” he probed. “You know I’ll take care of you.” His bright green eyes flashed.

Lucifer slid a blue tablet with a yin-yang sign imprinted on it toward Crowley. “Trust me,” he breathed.

Crowley pocketed the pill and stepped out of the car. As usual, he had no inclination to roll, but feigned interest to throw Lucifer off. The two made their way toward the front, surveying the rowdy stream of teens flowing in and out of the flat entrance. A few kids were already throwing up in the yard.

“Ten p.m. and it’s already amateur hour,” Crowley groused. “It can only get better from here on out.”

-

Par for the course, Gabriel had already headed to the party, leaving Aziraphale to drive on his own. Sighing to himself, Az watched as people stumbled up the lawn, floating toward a strobing beacon from the interior like moths to a flood light. He caught a glimpse of Anathema who was hand-in-hand with Newton, already a good sign. Across the way, he saw the degenerate Lucifer ambling through the grass, practically pulling his partner toward the door. Aziraphale squinted, but could barely make out the other half of the pair. What was that kid’s name again? Crowy?

Az turned off his engine and realized it was time to face the music. Gabriel would never forgive him if he turned back now. Might as well get it over with.

Aziraphale forced himself out of the car and through a gauntlet of smokers to reach the gates of Hell...AKA, Beatrice’s front door. As soon as he pushed through he felt like he’d stumbled into a Rammstein video. Every vignette was gyrating bodies and deep bass and slick spots on the floor where keg cups had abandoned their owners. It was everything Aziraphale despised and yet, it was all part of living in Gabe’s world.

He slipped through the crowd and spotted his boyfriend in a pack of groupies, mostly cheerleaders but also random members of the debate club. Each individual was enraptured as Gabe regaled them with his latest football anecdote. Gabriel hardly noticed when Az cut through the fans. In response, he pushed a plastic cup of flat beer in his face.

“Here ya go, babe,” Gabriel slurred. “One more for me while you’re at it.”

Aziraphale grimaced as he took the proffered cup and made his way toward where he imagined the keg was located. At least, enough people were gathered around a central area to suggest a Dionysian watering hole of some sort. After refilling the drink and grabbing a vodka cranberry for himself, Aziraphale relocated Gabriel now amongst a group of enamoured juniors. Az couldn’t help but wonder if there was an acolyte sign-up list he’d missed at the door.

Aziraphale didn’t stay for the show but handed off the drink and meandered through the multiple rooms of Beatrice’s parents’ home. He admired the paintings on the walls, thinking drably how sad it would be when one of the football players inevitably smashed their head through a canvas. That was just how things went around here.

At last, he spotted Anathema sitting alone and gratefully landed beside her on a plush white couch.

“Where’s Newt?” he asked with some concern.

“Where’s Gabe?” she countered, a little salty.

“You know,” Azira answered, “The usual fanfare. But I saw you two come in together?”

Anathema made a strange noise in the back of her throat. “He was supposed to be getting us drinks but that was ten minutes ago. I’m pretty sure he’s avoiding me.”

Aziraphale chuckled. “Think he lost his nerve? Shall I rescue him?”

Anathema nodded vigorously. “Please do!” she begged.

Az was up and looking around before she spoke, already familiar with the drill. Of course, he hadn’t anticipated how hard it might be to track down the wayward target in the ever-growing crowd. Tilting his cup to the brim, Aziraphale drank deeply to fuel his search.

-

Lucifer was doing that fucking thing he did. The one where he started shit between people for no reason at all. Currently, he was instigating a fight between two women who until that very moment had been best friends. It was steadily leading to an inevitable battle of bikini-clad chicken fighting at Lucifer’s suggestion.

Crowley sank back as Lucifer had his fun. He knew better than to try and intercede. Giving up, he drifted toward the makeshift bar instead. Beatrice had a nice setup on the roof. A large illuminated pool glinted off the moonlight and buoyed several solar-activated votives inside. A small cabana with comfy-looking chaise lounges was off to the side across from an inviting sauna room. The bar, fully stocked, boated every bottle of liquor one could ask for. And Crowley could ask for more than a few. It was just that kind of evening.

Out of nowhere, a subwoofer kicked in and the rooftop congregants cheered. All of them including Lucifer drained out like so much water in a tub. Apparently the NY-based DJ had made his debut on the lower level. Crowley, for one, was relieved. Now he had the entire place to himself. He slugged back a shot and smiled for the first time that night.

Stripping off his clothes, Crowley dove into the pool and made a few haphazard laps. The temperature was perfect for a moonlit swim. His mind drifted toward the silent sky and rejoiced.

It was then, however, that his peace was disturbed. An awkward blonde Crowley recognized from first-year history class came dithering out of the door. Crowley grimaced and mustered his best imitation of a dead-man’s float. Maybe he wouldn’t be seen if he was half-submerged.

Instead, Crowley was shocked nearly to death when a tremendous splash threw him sideways.

“I’ve got you!” a high-pitched voice was shouting in his ear. “Just relax! You’re going to be okay!”

“What the fuck?” Crowley tried to yell, but instead took in a massive gulp of water as his assailant hauled him roughly through the waves. He was still hacking when he was pulled onto the rough poolside cement.

What Crowley needed to do was roll onto his side and cough up the water. What his would-be savior did, however, was to hold him down on his back and begin administering CPR. Fortunately, he wasn’t going for chest compressions yet.

Crowley fumbled under the blonde’s lifesaving efforts and eventually swiveled his head enough to hack out the water. The blonde didn’t seem to notice and his lips crashed down on Crowley’s once more. Crowley stiffened, noticing the warmth of that mouth contrasting with his cool one. It was then that the blonde...Aziraphale, he suddenly remembered, backed off with a mad look in his eyes.

“Are you alright?” Az asked.

Crowley nodded and sat up on his elbows. “M’fine. Bloody idiot.”

Aziraphale looked perplexed. “But you were drowning!” He scanned over Crowley’s body as if to affirm his theory when he noticed the redhead wasn’t wearing a stitch of clothing. His eyes swept over the openly exposed lower half before gasping like a nun at a strip club.

“You’re naked!” Aziraphale accused.

Crowley rolled his eyes. “Right. Naked and not drowning. Floating actually, ‘til you showed up. Watch a little too much Baywatch as a child?” Crowley stood up unabashedly and walked toward the cabana. Aziraphale couldn’t help but follow the movement of Crowley’s toned glutes as he strutted over to grab a plush white robe. He turned back around before he’d belted it, giving Aziraphale another flash of the goods before covering himself up.

Az was impossibly red. His clothing was soaked and he was terribly embarrassed. He made toward the rooftop exit without a word as Crowley leaned back on the chaise and chuckled to himself shamelessly.

Azira pulled at the exit only to find it locked. He turned back toward Crowley in despair.

“We’re stuck!” He cried in a tortured voice.

“Mm,” Crowley replied with little interest. “Or saved, depending on how you look at it.”


	3. Forever is composed of nows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hijinks on the roof

“What the hell are you on about?” Az demanded.

Crowley shrugged nonchalantly and shoved his hands into the terry cloth robe’s deep pockets. “You seriously want to be down there with that lot?” he asked incredulously.

Azira lifted his pointer finger as if to protest but wearily let it fall back down again. “Maybe not,” he said carefully. “But I don’t particularly want to be stuck up here with you either.”

Crowley laughed, low and easy. It was a deep, effortlessly sexy sound. “Well, be that as it may. You’ve got another problem on your hands.” He waved toward Aziraphale’s dripping form. “There’s a sauna over there,” he pointed to the other side of the roof. “Throw your clothes in and grab a robe. They should dry up within the hour.”

Aziraphale realized he didn’t have a lot of other options. Sitting around in his drenched kit sounded less than pleasant. Grumbling, he snatched a robe from the cabana and made his way to the sauna. He turned around with one last annoyed glance before stepping inside.

Crowley racked his brain trying to remember more about the quiet blonde. He remembered he’d always had his hand up in class. Sometimes it was even up before the teacher had finished a question. The name had come back to him given its rarity. Crowley was certain he’d never met another Aziraphale.

His brows shot up in amusement as Azira stepped out of the sauna ensconced in his robe like a tightly stuffed dumpling. He seemed squeamish about revealing any portion of his body, and somewhat waddle-scooted back toward Crowley while holding his robe closed with both hands.

Azira only relaxed when he noticed a skylight on the roof. “Look here!” he called over to the redhead. “This is our way out!” He started banging on the glass, but none of the revelers looked up. The DJ’s set was too loud. Aziraphale deflated and came to sit next to Crowley on the adjacent chaise.

“It was worth a try,” Crowley said readily. “Fancy a drink?”

Aziraphale hesitated but Crowley was already up and mixing together some concoction at the bar. “Might as well not let the night be a total waste,” Crowley explained as he handed a plastic cup to Azira.

“Thanks. Remind me what your name is?” Azira asked.

“Crowley.”

“Crowley what?”

“Just Crowley. I remember you from some class years ago. Your name is hard to forget,” Crowley said as he stood idly by the pool.

“Yes,” Azira replied fuzzily. “History, wasn’t it? Didn’t you and Lucifer used to call our teacher Mr. Perve?”

Crowley squinted at the distant memory. “Very likely,” he said. “We did a lot of stupid shit back then.”

Aziraphale gave him a small smile.

“Now then, what shall we play?” Crowley announced as he set back down beside the blonde.

Aziraphale looked around them as if searching for something. “I don’t see any board games,” he replied.

Crowley couldn’t help the laugh that escaped him. “I meant a drinking game,” he coached. “How about Never Have I Ever?”

Azira nodded. “Ok. How do you play?”

“An excellent question!” Crowley turned toward him so that their outstretched knees were touching. “First an example. Never have I ever played Never Have I Ever. Now you have to drink.”

“Oh,” Az said with some surprise. He took a dainty sip. “So you drink if you’ve done something. What’s the point?”

Crowley guffawed and leaned in. “The point is to think of things you haven’t done that you suspect the other has to get them drunk. Or if you’re keen on drinking, you come up with things that you both have probably done, and so forth.”

“Ah! And we’ll get to know one another better!” Aziraphale beamed as if the actual goal of the game was to create enduring friendships.

“Uh,” Crowley replied. “Sure. Whatever. Ok, now you go.”

A stern look crossed over Aziraphale’s face, which Crowley quickly learned meant that the cherubic blonde was thinking deeply. “Ah! Never have I ever driven a car!”

He grinned as if he had won, but Crowley gave him the side-eye as he drank. “I know you can drive.”

“Oh right,” Azira said taking a quick sip. “I got it mixed up.”

Crowley steeled himself as if playing poker. “Never have I ever...snogged a girl.”

Azira wrinkled his nose and took a drink.

“Story,” Crowley said with delight.

“What?” Az said, caught off guard.

“You can call ‘story’ any time you like,” Crowley explained. “Makes the game more fun.”

“Now you tell me,” Azira complained sarcastically. “Well...if you must know it was second grade. That’s how I realized I was gay. But you’ve never…?”

Crowley shrugged. “Never felt the inclination,” he replied. “I had a crush on my best friend John in primary school. Kind of sealed the deal.”

Aziraphale laughed. “Ok, my turn. Never have I ever....failed a test!” He kept his cup low and watched Crowley with barely contained glee on his face. To his surprise, Crowley didn’t drink. Instead he clinked his cup against Azira’s.

“I’m an ace study, me,” Crowley said. He could tell Aziraphale did not believe him. It kind of pissed him off.

“Alright,” Crowley hummed, simmering with the thought of revenge. “Time to up the stakes. Never have I ever masturbated.” He drank easily while the blonde stammered in embarrassment.

“Why! How lewd!” Azira objected. “What kind of game is this?!”

Crowley took another drink and nodded toward the blonde. “Them’s the breaks. Drink or cry all the way home to your mum.”

Aziraphale looked annoyed before taking a sip. “You know very well I’m marooned here with you.” Crowley smiled deviously in response.

“Well if you want to play dirty,” Azira began, “Never have I ever…” He leaned in to whisper the second part as if they were surrounded by the heavenly host. “Wanked someone off!” He covered his mouth to contain the gleeful squeal that escaped his mouth.

Crowley tipped his head back and sighed. “Oh my god I’m playing with a child.” Aziraphale reddened but boldly lifted his cup to his lips. Crowley arched an eyebrow and followed him.

“Ooh aren’t you full of surprises?” Crowley cooed. He was starting to notice just how cute the blonde was. His eyes sparkled when he was being mischievous. Tentatively, he knocked Azira’s knee with his own. “Well then. Let’s see how you handle this...Never have I ever...gone all the way.”

Aziraphale blanched and looked down at his cup as if it held the answer. Crowley took a long drink and finished the contents. He looked back up expecting Az to follow but he only tapped the side of his cup and shifted his gaze up to the sky.

“No,” Crowley shook his head. “No way. You don’t go with Gabriel for more than a few months without…”

Azira cut him off. “Without what?”

Crowley coughed, trying to cover up his faux pas. “Without nothing! Don’t listen to me, I’m drunk. Let’s get drunker!” He grabbed Azira’s half-filled cup and made his way back to the bar, abandoning the conversation. Aziraphale wasn’t having any of it, however.

“Without what?” he demanded. Crowley acted extremely interested in his bartending gig for a moment.

“I’m just surprised,” he attempted casually. “Gabe has quite the reputation and I just figured…”

He came back and Azira yanked the second cup from his hand unexpectedly. “He’s not like that,” he defended. “People think a lot of things about Gabriel but...there’s more to him than meets the eye. He’s good, really.”

Crowley tried not to show his disbelief, but nodded as if he’d finally seen the light. “Sure, I mean, of course he is. Star of the football team, eye candy, not to mention the life of the party! Everyone’s just jealous probably.”

Azira settled down and relaxed a bit. “Definitely. He’s got everything going for him.”

Crowley seemed to consider his next statement carefully. “Never have I ever dated Gabriel.”

Aziraphale laughed and drank while his eyes crinkled. “Cheater!” he accused with a grin. “You know I am.”

Crowley leaned forward and balanced his chin on his hand. “Story,” he demanded. “Tell me how that happened. I’m dying to know.”


	4. I am nobody! Who are you? Are you a nobody, too?

Az waved a hand in the air. “It’s unbelievable, I know,” he began. “Gabriel and I aren’t exactly what anyone expected. I never did. But we had a class together and sometimes I helped him with his homework. I’d heard rumors about him, but I wanted to give him a chance to prove himself for what he was. Slowly but surely he started hanging around more, even when the homework was done. He told me that he liked me, and I believed him. When he speaks it feels...authoritative. Something in me snaps to attention and I just want to please him.”

Crowley nodded, silently urging Azira to continue.

“Anyways, one day we were walking home after school and he kissed me out of nowhere. I didn’t really know what to do. It was the first time I’d done that with a guy. I guess our whole relationship is the first one I’ve ever had. Time passed and he kept me around.” Aziraphale leaned forward and Crowley could tell he was straining to get something out, something he’d likely never admitted out loud. “You know, I have no idea why he’s interested in someone like me. But here we are.”

Crowley drank and seemed to consider Azira’s story thoughtfully. “You really don’t know why?” he asked. “Surely he must tell you now and then.”

Az shrugged. “Gabe’s not the most vocal guy. I just assume that until he says it’s over that he likes me.” Aziraphale tried not to read into Crowley’s reaction, but he didn’t look impressed. Azira wanted to go on, to explain their relationship, but in many ways he felt like he’d already exhausted the conversation. What exactly DID Gabriel see in him? He took a long drink rather than consider it.

“Your turn,” Crowley prompted.

“Um, ok,” Az pondered. “Never have I ever dated Lucifer, and story.”

“Cutting to the chase, huh?” Crowley smiled. He took the obligatory drink and shrugged. “We go way back. Started as friends freshman year. Played out the odd teenage mischief like lighting things on fire and riding in shopping carts down hills. Stole some shit. Fucked around with drugs. There were so many things we had in common and I just sort of wandered after him.”

Azira was watching him intently.

“Sometimes he did things that scared me,” Crowley admitted. “But it was always a thrill. He broke me out of my shell. Made me more adventurous. I was mad about him from the start but I didn’t know if he felt the same. One day we started to talk about shit we were going through at home and it just clicked. He understood the dark side of me when no one else did. We’ve been together ever since.”

Az turned inward and ran his fingers over the chaise. “He’s always kind of intimidated me,” he admitted. “He’s so intense. That and the crowd you both run in.”

Crowley sniffed. “Hastur and Ligur are not my friends. They just hang about. People are just...drawn to Lucifer like a magnet. They want him to think they’re cool.”

“I know what you mean,” Azira confessed. “Sometimes I feel like I’m just one in a crowd around Gabriel. It’s natural when someone has that much charisma to be surrounded by admirers. But it doesn’t make you feel special either.”

Aziraphale’s words hit home for Crowley. He had long since felt a kind of longing or lack of security about his partner. How deep did Lucifer’s feelings go for him? Would he really be there if Crowley needed him? That nagging thought had been playing on repeat throughout their relationship. It made him question his own feelings.

“Ok, my turn,” Crowley considered. “Never have I ever been in love.”

The two stayed frozen in time, each watching the other for a drink that wasn’t going to come.

“Well,” Azira exhaled. “That’s about the long and the short of it.”

Crowley teared up and solemnly willed the feelings away. He never showed anything real to anyone - no sign of weakness that might make him vulnerable. He bit his lip hard and concentrated on breathing normally. It was then that the dubstep-obsessed DJ shifted the mood, breaking him all over again.

Aziraphale’s eyes widened as the new song switched on. “Good times for a change...” he hummed to himself quietly.

Crowley jerked to attention and couldn’t stop his jaw from dropping. “You know the Smiths?” he asked.

“Duh,” Azira replied. “Hatful of Hollow is one of my favorite albums.”

“Fuck!” Crowley stood suddenly and hauled Aziraphale up like a sackful of potatoes. The two laughed as they moved haltingly to the music, having gotten drunker than planned. Azira tried to frame up and raise his left hand but Crowley slapped it down.

“Please, I’m leading,” he joked, but at the same time it was clear that he was. He dipped Aziraphale when the song came to ‘haven’t had a dream in a long time.’ Az started laughing but Crowley pulled him back in tightly, trading mirth for a tight embrace. Instead, Azira gripped Crowley about the waist and rested his head on his shoulder. Suddenly being locked on the roof with the handsome redhead wasn’t as bad as he’d thought.

“We must look so stupid,” Az breathed, trying to push the temptation away. “Imagine the sight of two grown men dancing around in bathrobes! People would laugh at us.”

“So?” Crowley’s voice had gone deeper as he nestled his chin into Azira’s white curls. They swayed together alone on the rooftop as the mandolin solo played on. The stars overhead seemed to blink and sigh with them.

All too soon, the song ended and Crowley let go of Aziraphale suddenly. He flopped back down on the chaise while Az stood awkwardly, not sure what to do with his empty hands.

-

Newt was leaning into Anathema’s side sharing a mutual look of adoration. His hand was tangled up with hers and he pressed a quick kiss to the back of it. The DJ had switched from melodramatic mood-killer to upbeat pop rock.

“Let’s dance!” Newt tried to shout over the din.

“What?” Anathema yelled back.

“Dance!” Newt tried again. He pulled her to her feet and led them out to the dancefloor where he started jerking in some approximate version of the robot.

Anathema grinned, and shortly they were lost in the ebb of the music.

-

Lucker watched the budding romance between Newt and Anathema with a scowl. “Where the fuck is Crowley?” he pouted. He’d just done a line off the counter and looked at Hastur and Ligur as if they were personally responsible. The two shrugged at one another.

“Well?” Lucifer demanded. “Find him!” His lackeys jumped to attention and scrambled to make their way through the writhing sea of bodies.

“Fuck,” Lucifer complained. “Nearly have to do everything myself.” He glanced over to the couch where a lap dance of sorts was taking place.

-

Gabriel bounced his legs up and down as Beatrice rode his lap like a pony. “That’s it!” he bellowed. “Ride ‘em cowboy!” A highly entertained crowd around them cheered and through small bills their way.

Beatrice gasped when Gabe pulled her impossibly close to whisper something in her ear. She glanced at him and grabbed his hand, pulling him steadily after her, away from the crowd and out of sight.

-

Aziraphale was staring disinterestedly through the skylight. His robe was tucked all around him like a toddler ready for bed. Crowley had finally pulled his clothes on and was making his way toward the sauna.

“How’s the rabble, then?” he called over his shoulder.

Azira stirred and twisted his neck toward the voice, his eyes still locked on the fray. “What you’d expect,” he replied. “Dancing. Snogging. People falling down.”

Crowley had returned with Aziraphale’s clothes, which were toasty warm and dry. “Here, here,” he joked. “And the laundry’s right on time!”

Az reached up to take the proffered bundle but stopped dead in his tracks when he spotted Gabriel. He watched his boyfriend run his hands all over Beatrice, coaxing her into his lap and cradling her into his body. They started to rut against each other and Azira went cold. In short time, Gabriel got up to follow Beatrice. There was no question what was about to happen next.

Aziraphale tried to hide his tears as he yanked the clothing away from Crowley and headed to the cabana to change. Crowley could tell there was something wrong, but he wasn’t sure until his eyes landed on the scene below. Beatrice was pulling Gabe into the lower floor bathroom. Crowley swallowed hard.

He tried to make himself busy while Azira changed. Time ticked by and he knew Az had been inside for much longer than necessary for a simple change of clothes. At long last, he forced himself to approach the cabana.

“Aziraphale,” he said in a low voice. There was no response. “Please, Az, I’m so sorry. That was...that was so fucking wrong. Please come out.”

A loud sniff echoed in the tent and Crowley pushed his way in to find Aziraphale crumpled on the floor. Tears were falling down his cheeks as he cried into his jacket sleeve.

“Sh,” Crowley soothed. He sat down next to Azira and pulled him into his arms, precipitating a stream of broken sobs. “That bastard,” Crowley growled.

Azira hugged him tightly and tried to speak through broken breaths. “It’s just...I thought he’d tell me when he was done. I thought he’d do the respectable thing. Oh god, do you think he’s done this before? Was I never good enough for him?”

Something about seeing Aziraphale in pain triggered a deep and dark response in Crowley. He felt immensely protective. If he had wings he would have enveloped them both to hide them away from the rest of the world.

Crowley’s temper snapped and he cupped Azira’s cheeks with his hands, forcing him to make direct eye contact. “That piece of shit never deserved you,” Crowley fumed. “Do you understand? You’re nice. You’re good. You’re so sweet. You’re fucking smart. He has no idea what he just threw away.”

Aziraphale blushed despite his agony. “Yeah,” he sniffed. “Gabe’s a goddamn idiot.”

Crowley laughed despite himself. “Too right he is. He doesn’t see you. He doesn’t get it.

Az laughed heartlessly. “Who would?”

Crowley realized he was still holding Aziraphale’s face. Tenderly, he stroked his thumbs over rosy cheekbones. From somewhere he couldn’t quite acknowledge an inclination in his mind wanted to say, “I do,” because he did. He really fucking did.


	5. The Soul selects her own society

Crowley and Aziraphale were inside the cabana when a couple of raucous voices interrupted.

“Crow!” Ligur shouted. “You out here, mate?”

Hastur stumbled forward, nearly falling in the pool. “Fuck, I’m sorted,” he laughed. “Crowley! Crowley c’mon now. You playin’ hide and seek?”

Crowley cursed internally and stood near the cabana curtain, signaling Aziraphale to stay put. With a weary breath he emerged and held his hands out like a magician who’d just performed a trick. “Caught me, boys,” he bellowed. “What’s new? Are we partying or what?”

Ligur looked over at him and clapped his hands. “There he is! What the fuck you doin’ out here? Lucifer wants you.”

“We looked everywhere,” Hasur lamented. “C’mon back down. It’s nearly midnight.”

Crowley couldn’t believe the time. The last few hours had felt like a lifetime. A good one, at that.

“Well shit,” he scoffed. “The night is young!”

He’d ambled over to them and was about to lead the way through the (thankfully) open roof door when Hastur lingered suspiciously. “Seriously, though,” he hesitated. “You’ve been up here by yourself the whole time?”

Crowley motioned toward the door. “It locks from the inside, unfortunately. I’ve been bored out of mind up here.”

Hastur wasn’t buying it. He crept around the pool to scan the area. At last, his eyes landed on Aziraphale sitting inside the cabana. Azira’s eyes widened in fear.

“What’s this, then?” Hastur gasped in mock surprise. “A plump little lamb Crowley’s been hiding away. Introduce us to your friend?”

Crowley panicked. “Forget about him. Some drunk arsehole just moping about. Talked my ear off earlier. Believe me, you don’t want the same.”

Hastur was still sharp despite drinking half his weight in whiskey. “Hey,” he called at Azira. “C’mon out here and play with us. We don’t bite...hard.”

Ligur joined Hastur at his side and glowered as Aziraphale stepped out. They noticed his red-rimmed eyes immediately.

“Oh shit,” Ligur slurred. “That’s Gabriel’s plaything. Crowley! You been samplin’ the wares? Lucifer’s gonna shit a brick.”

Azira straightened his spine and folded his arms across his chest. “I’ve been locked out here all night,” he said in a loud voice. “If you don’t mind, I’ll be going downstairs to find my boyfriend.”

Hastur laughed and Ligur joined up with him. “He doesn’t know. Sorry love, but your man’s flown the coop. Shacked up with Beelzebub as we speak.”

“I’ll see for myself,” Az answered coldly. He moved toward the door but the two brutes blocked his path immediately. Crowley surged forward to intervene.

Hastur had his paws on Aziraphale and hoisted him menacingly near the pool’s edge. “Maybe we’ll feed you to Lucifer instead,” he threatened.

“That’s enough,” Crowley cried out, cursing the anxiety in his tone. He dug into his pocket and retrieved the tablet Lucifer had given him. “Boys,” he supplicated. “Let’s not turn this into a thing. Take the edge off.”

He deposited the pill into Ligur’s hand who looked down gleefully. Hastur eyed the tablet and pushed Aziraphale away. “Half that’s mine!” he cried. Ligur and Hastur fumbled over the pill and grappled for advantage over one another. When Hastur put his foot wrong they both went tumbling into the pool. Aziraphale gasped.

With not a second to lose, Crowley grabbed Azira’s arm and pulled him toward the exit. He closed the door firmly, locking the two villains outside.

“Poetic justice,” Az chirped.

Crowley laughed and led the pair downstairs where the DJ was spinning soul music. He’d made it halfway through the dancefloor when Lucifer’s hand landed possessively on his arm.

“Well, well,” Lucifer glowered. “Is this what’s been keeping you?” He eyed Azira up and down.

“Stuck, I’m afraid,” Crowley responded smoothly. “Your dear friends took my place on the roof. Enjoying a midnight swim.”

Lucifer laughed and released his grip, moving in to thrust his tongue into Crowley’s mouth while he grabbed his arse. Azira stiffened noticeably in the background.

Lucifer withdrew and pulled Azira close to him. “Mm,” he breathed. “What a sweet little treat you are. Maybe we should take you home. Dangerous sorts around here.”

Aziraphale blanched and backed away a few steps. “I’m alright,” he said with a choked voice. “I should probably check in with my friends.” Without another word he escaped toward the living room in search of Anathema and Newt.

Crowley watched him go and resisted the urge to grab him back. Internally, he wondered why that was his first instinct over cuddling up to his boyfriend.

Lucifer sighed and nuzzled against Crowley’s chest. “I’m so bored,” he drawled. “Maybe we should make an early night of it.” Crowley hummed absentmindedly.

“You’re sure there’s nothing left to be done here?” he challenged. “Nothing like a dying party to motivate two wiley creatures like ourselves. Surely there’s more chaos to raise.”

Lucifer regarded him for a moment before sneering mischievously. “I suppose I haven’t dropped acid in the punch yet.”

Crowley flashed a quick smile and nodded. “Off you go.” He was surprised to enjoy seeing the back of him. A few years ago he would have died for Lucifer. Now, he wasn’t so sure. It wasn’t that anything particularly dramatic had happened between them, but after spending the evening with Aziraphale he realized that there were a lot of things missing from his relationship. Tenderness. Intimacy. Romance. Maybe those things were more important than he’d imagined.

Remembering Aziraphale’s recent trauma triggered something in Crowley’s chest. His eyes scanned the room for the blonde-haired angel and was relieved to find him cuddled up with Anathema on the couch. He made his way over through the ant’s nest of people.

“Hey,” Az said when he saw Crowley approaching. “I thought maybe you’d be leaving. Um, the two of you.”

Crowley shrugged. “Lucifer’s on the warpath,” he said breezily. “Don’t drink the punch.”

Aziraphale nodded while Anathema leaned forward. She was sandwiched between the blonde and her (yet to be announced) boyfriend Newt.

“I remember you,” she said, drunk off her arse. “You’re that Crow...Crowy...Crow crow guy.”

Crowley laughed despite himself and extended a hand. “I am!” he declared.

“You were nice to me,” Anathema announced to the room. “I was...sophomore year...at the sock hop,” she stopped to hiccup. “No one was dancing with me and you showed up out of nowhere. Took me for a spin on the dancefloor.”

Az looked up in amazement while Crowley tried to hide a creeping blush across his cheeks. “It was nothing,” he said quickly.

“Hey!” Newt jumped in. “You danced with my girl?”

Anathema punched Newt in the shoulder and scowled. “Platonically,” she affirmed. “Like a friend. It was a nice thing to do.”

Newton calmed down as Anathema turned her attention back to him. Crowley and Azira tried to ignore the full out makeout session that ensued. Over his shoulder, Crowley sensed an ominous presence and bristled.

“Hey there babe!” Gabriel cooed. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you!” Beatrice was right behind him, still straightening her skirt and looking flushed.

Gabriel moved to sit on the arm of the sofa next to Azira but he’d already jumped up. Gabe laughed and tried to pull him back down to his level. Aziraphale was having none of it and yanked his arm away violently.

“No,” Az managed. “I’m not doing this.”

Crowley felt himself drawn forward, nearly stepping between the two protectively.

Azira flicked a hand up to stay Crowley’s advance. Whatever was about to happen, he needed to do on his own.

“What the fuck?” Gabriel chuckled. “Did I miss something?”

“You did, actually,” Aziraphale scoffed. “We’re over.”

Gabriel stood up and loomed over Azira. “What are you talking about?” he asked with a warning tone.

Azira didn’t flinch. “You and me are over. Don’t worry. I’m sure there are plenty of others willing and able to take my place.”

Gabe paled and gripped Aziraphale’s arm as if to force the subject, but he saw Crowley’s menacing gaze just behind his ex-boyfriend. He dropped Azira’s arm like it was on fire.

“Right,” Gabriel said tightly. “I see what this is. I was going to dump you anyways. Enjoy life without me, you soft fucking loser.” Crowley flinched imperceptibly.

His sad attempt at saving face didn’t phase Aziraphale, who was staring at the ceiling intently. His gaze remained locked there until Gabriel moved away. Once gone, he breathed a shaky sigh of relief.

“Sorry,” Azira apologized to his friends. His face betrayed the inner turmoil that he felt, but no one commented on it. Instead, Anathema stood up and wrapped her arms around him.

“Jesus, what a dick,” she expressed in dismay. “Az, you’re so beyond anything he deserves.”

Aziraphale nodded and swallowed hard. “Obviously,” he said shakily. His friends laughed suddenly and the tense moment lifted.

“Shots?” Newt supplied. For once, he finally made himself useful and walk-ran to the bar.

-

Crowley excused himself to the bathroom and settled his hands on either side of the sink. He’d almost nearly killed a man, and that took a lot of self-control to tamp back down. He breathed hard and closed his eyes tightly. While he was standing there someone banged on the door.

“Occupied,” he intoned, but the door opened anyways. Lucifer let himself in with a grin.

“This is about to get interesting,” he smirked.

“Mission accomplished?” Crowley asked wryly. Lucifer nodded. He couldn’t contain the smile on his face. At least until he saw that Crowley wasn’t sharing in his victory.

“What’s wrong?” Lucifer asked, pressing into Crowley’s personal space. He pushed Crowley away from the sink and insinuated himself in between. His strong arms cradled Crowley’s hips, but instead of the usual shock and thrill of his touch, Crowley felt nothing.

“I don’t know,” he replied glumly. He looked into Lucifer’s eyes to search for answers. “I guess I was thinking about us. There’s something I haven’t told you.”

Lucifer started playing with the collar on Crowley’s black denim jacket. “Oh?”

Crowley sighed. “I know I said I don’t give a shit about school, but the truth is I do. In fact, I got an acceptance letter last month.”

Lucifer’s eyes narrowed. “What? Who would let you into a college?”

Crowley frowned. “A lot of places, as it turns out. I’m actually a pretty good student.”

“You?!!” Lucifer balked. “Come off it. This is hilarious, by the way.”

Crowley stared at him, defiant. “It’s not a joke. Of all the places that offered, I accepted a spot at Cambridge. I’m going to move this summer.”

Lucifer moved away and sat on the edge of the tub behind him. “But...the fuck? Are you serious?”

Crowley nodded at Lucifer’s reflection in the mirror.

“So what does this mean?” Lucifer continued. “You won’t be slumming around with me anymore? You think you’re better than me, after all I’ve given you?”

Crowley rounded and squared his shoulders. “That’s not what it’s about at all. Look me in the eyes, Luce. Tell me that you love me.”

Lucifer tried to laugh but failed. He stood up and crossed his arms. “That’s not...that’s not what we do,” he offered instead. “Love is fleeting. It’s a lie. You know this.”

“Maybe I don’t,” Crowley snapped. “Maybe I choose to believe in something better. Something more! It’s not all sex and drugs and punk rock! There’s more to life than whatever the fuck we’ve been doing.”

“So I mean nothing to you?” Lucifer argued. He came within inches of Crowley’s face and sneered.

“Just tell me that you love me,” Crowley demanded. “Unless you’re so fucking scared of being hurt that you’d give up everything to hide behind some godforsaken rock. Id've followed anywhere and you know it, but I won’t follow you into the dark. And if you don’t even love me, if you can’t even say it, then yeah. It is meaningless.”

Lucifer pushed Crowley into the vanity and seethed, his hands twisting in the fabric of his jacket. He gripped so hard Crowley thought it might rip, but all at once Lucifer let go. “Fuck it…” he breathed, “but when you come crawling back to me...You’ll realize that all of your stupid fantasies are exactly that. There’s no such thing as love. There’s no such thing as mercy. Nothing fucking matters.”

He shoved Crowley aside and moved toward the door. “Have fun in fantasy land. I’ll see you on the other side.”

Crowley waited until the door shut to sink down onto the floor. Despite everything, Lucifer had been his constant. Now he was alone, and he didn’t know the first thing about dealing with that. He breathed in and waited to cry, but no tears came. Instead, he felt like a thousand pounds had been lifted from his shoulders. He let his eyes drift up to the ceiling and gasped before feeling a smile stretch his lips and he laughed. He actually laughed. He was free. He was free of everything that had narrowly defined who he was, and what he thought he deserved.

-

Anathema was drawing herself up from the couch and grasping Azira’s hands in her own. “You’re sure you’re okay?” she asked.

Aziraphale rolled his eyes. “Trust me when I say I’ve never been better. Go home. Get some rest.” He spotted Newt out of the corner of his eye. He was making his way toward them after tracking down his coat in another room. “Or maybe...don’t get any rest. Make it a good one.”

Anathema punched Az in the arm. “Cheeky,” she censored. Newt joined them and settled an arm over her shoulder.

“Ready?” he asked.

“So ready,” she agreed. She leaned forward to kiss Azira on the cheek. “I uh…” she began uncertainly, “I don’t know what’s going on with you and that Crowley guy, but whatever it is, I approve. He’s into you.”

Aziraphale guffawed. “Yeah right, sure,” he supplied.

Anathema squeezed his arm and upped the ante. “No, really. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say he’s head over heels. You should’ve seen the look he shot Gabriel before. It was awesome.”

She smiled and pressed Az into a tight hug. “Have a good rest of the night,” she whispered.

Azira turned to watch them leave and found himself facing Crowley. A slight blush rose on both of their faces.

“Well this has gone down like a lead balloon,” Crowley joked. “Lift home?”

Azira followed him as he moved toward the door. “Are you really heading out?” he asked meekly when they finally made it to the front yard.

Crowley rounded and shoved his hands in his pockets. “Yeah. I think that’s enough of Regent High School to last me a lifetime. You?”

Az couldn’t resist the smile spreading over his face. “I won’t be sorry to leave it all behind.”

“Well then,” Crowley retorted. “Only...oh fuck. Can we take your car? I’ll drive.”

Aziraphale directed him toward his car and Crowley took the driver’s seat with ease. Az handed him the keys and they were quiet as the engine rumbled to life. Crowley was relieved Azira wasn’t asking any annoying questions about his car or his boyfriend.

“Where’s home then?” Crowley asked.

“Jump on the M11,” Azira directed. “I’ll let you know from there.”

The CD player kicked on and Crowley grinned. ‘There is a light that never goes out’ blared from the speaker system. It was perfection.

-

Crowley rounded a corner and Aziraphale pointed toward a darkened house down the street. “That’s me,” he said. “The one with the circle drive.”

Crowley drew the car up in line with the house, admiring the splendor of Ingram Avenue luxury living. “Wow,” he said in a low tone. “Your family did well.”

Az tried not to blush, but jumped out of the car a little too quickly. Crowley turned off the ignition and stepped out behind him. He threw the keys to Aziraphale and ducked his head to take his leave.

He’d almost turned all the way around when Azira’s petulant voice stopped him. “Steady on, where do you think you’re going?”

“I’ll just catch a bus,” Crowley explained.

“It’s almost two in the morning!” Aziraphale remarked. “It won’t do. Come inside!”

Crowley was still backing away. “I’m sure you’re parents would love that!”

Azira stepped forward, causing Crowley to freeze in place. “They’re not at home,” he offered. “Haven’t been all week. It’s just us...if that’s okay with you.”

Aziraphale looked so hopeful, his smile warm and inviting. The complete opposite of Lucifer. Crowley melted.

“Fine,” he grumbled. “Doubt there’s a line running anyway.” He shuffled toward the door and watched the excitement light up Azira’s face.


	6. Finite to fail, but infinite to venture

Walking into Aziraphale’s home was overwhelming. The contemporary interior was spotless and vast. Crowley couldn’t help but compare it with his own living arrangements with beer cans and cigarette butts littered over every available surface. Roaches partying in the kitchen... He shuddered to think about Azira seeing his father’s trailer, especially in the daylight.

Aziraphale led Crowley through winding halls and two separate staircases to finally end up in his room. Now this was a space that looked a little bit more familiar. Crowley admired the post-punk band posters peeking out behind stacks of books. It was definitely a guy’s room, but with a dash of posh added in. He smiled at the tartan down-comforter strewn across the bed. The pillows looked like feather-stuffed dreams.

Az settled down on the floor with his back resting against the bed. “Some crazy night, huh?” he asked.

“Yeah,” Crowley answered as he made himself at home. He dropped down on Azira’s bed and curled behind him, not even bothering to take off his black converse. Az didn’t seem to mind.

“Did you have fun?” Azira asked tentatively.

“Parts of it,” Crowley answered. “I think I’m still drunk.”

Aziraphale giggled and twisted his body around, letting his arms rest over the edge of the bed to make a cradle for his chin.

“I’m really glad I got a chance to know you,” Az admitted.

Crowley grabbed a pillow and threw it at Aziraphale but it missed him by a mile. “Shut it,” he commanded unconvincingly. The room was spinning slowly.

“Should you call Lucifer and let him know where you are?” Azira asked.

Crowley groaned. “No point, Zira,” he intoned. Aziraphale beamed at the newly coined nickname.

“You think he’s asleep?” Az pressed.

“Fuck,” Crowley flipped onto his back and stared at the ceiling. It was covered with glow-in-the-dark stars. His lips pulled into a reflexive smile. “There’s no point because we’re not together anymore.”

“What?” Aziraphale asked, not bothering to conceal his shock. “When did this happen?”

“Right after your battle royale with Gabriel,” Crowley said. “I...I asked him something and I didn’t get the answer I was looking for. Doesn’t matter though. He doesn’t have any plans for the future and I’m going to college in the fall.”

“Oh, man,” Az replied empathetically. “But that’s great about school! London Metro?”

Crowley scowled and sat up on his elbows. He looked down at Aziraphale who was as passive and earnest as ever.

“You think so little of me, don’t you?” Crowley sneered.

Az flinched and sat up as well. His hand unconsciously fisted the sheets. “No! Not at all!” he cried defensively.

“I’d tell you that I’m for Cambridge but you’d never believe me. You’d think they got my application mixed up or accepted me out of charity! You tried to leverage our drinking game earlier, but I’ll have you know I’ve never failed a test because I aced them all without even trying. I’m on full scholarship to Cambridge, so deal with it.” Crowley finished and laid back down with his arms crossed over his chest. He huffed in annoyance.

He felt Azira stirring and was surprised to see him sit up on the bed, his face blazing and tortured. “I apologize for doubting you, and for judging you. That was wrong. Please forgive me, I’m only just getting to know you.”

Crowley harrumphed but felt a little bit better.

Aziraphale moved from mortification to glowing appraisal. “Oh but Crowley, this is grand though! I was worried I wouldn’t know anyone there but if you’re going too…”

Crowley sat up and beamed, the recent wound forgotten entirely. “You-you’re going to Cambridge?”

Az nodded emphatically. “Oh but just think, Crowley! We could hang out together and study together. Maybe share a room!” He blushed suddenly, his mouth running along while his brain was only just catching up.

Crowley smiled shyly. “Well...that might be nice.” Neither looked at each other for a moment, too abashed to finish that line of thought.

“At least I know you’ve got good taste,” Crowley managed. He waved a hand at the decor and singled out the Joy Division poster on one wall. “I wish I could’ve seen them live.”

Aziraphale dropped down and stretched out on the bed, his head aligned with Crowley’s chest. He caught the scent of Crowley’s cologne lingering on his shirt. Givenchy maybe. It made him dizzy. Without thinking, his arm flexed out and his fingers landed on Crowley’s wrist. He cringed and waited for the other to move, but he didn’t. Crowley stayed quiet for a moment as his mind ran back over the evening.

“Thanks for uh...for trying to save my life earlier,” Crowley chuckled. Aziraphale joined his laughter and shoved his burning face into the bed.

“I’m a moron,” Az mumbled. He relaxed when he felt Crowley’s other hand squeeze his shoulder and fall to rest on his hip.

“Not a lot of people would do that,” Crowley argued softly. “Not for me, anyways.”

Az looked up and grinned. “I didn’t realize it was you,” he joked. “Had I known better…”

His sentence was cut short when Crowley lunged at him, tickling his soft sides and pinning him halfway under his body.

“Cheeky git,” Crowley growled. Azira laughed into his mouth and tried to get away, but Crowley was clearly stronger.

“I can’t,” Az gasped. “Please, no! I give up!”

Crowley’s bangs had fallen into his eyes so that he couldn’t see Azira clearly. He tried to blow them out of the way to no avail. Az saw his opportunity and flung Crowley off only to straddle him while holding his wrists down tightly.

“Ha!” Aziraphale said triumphantly. “Oldest trick in the book. Now you’re mine!”

The realization of what he’d said, along with the awkward position he’d created caused Aziraphale to fluster and relinquish his hold. Crowley was staring up at him with dark, unpredictable eyes. In a flash, he yanked Az down just millimeters from his mouth.

Crowley looked like he was struggling to say something but couldn’t make his tongue work properly. His gaze was totally focused on Aziraphale whose eyes glanced up and away before settling back on Crowley’s mouth. When Az licked his lips, it was all over.

Aziraphale’s sharp intake of breath followed Crowley’s hips grinding against his parted thighs. Crowley’s mouth followed, crashing into Aziraphale’s to steal that breath away. Arms and legs entangled along with tongues and soon Crowley was making a keening sound in the back of his throat. He reached down to undo his tight black jeans and maneuvered Aziraphale’s body so that they were facing side by side. Crowley grabbed Azira’s hand and guided it to the hard length he’d freed from his pants.

Azira let out a low groan when he felt Crowley thrusting in between his fingers. He’d never been more turned on. “Oh god,” Crowley moaned. “Fuck Zira.” Everything was happening so fast but it so good and oh… Crowley rutted in Azira’s hand a few more times before coming to his senses.

“Oh shit,” Crowley winced, pulling back and gasping hard. He screwed his eyes shut and Az whimpered.

“What’s wrong?” Azira asked. “Is it me...you don’t like me? I’m soft, I know.”

Crowley’s eyes darted toward Aziraphale’s. “Don’t you ever fucking say that,” he warned. “You’re...you’re fucking perfect. That’s just it though! I’m not used to doing anything slow or...or meaningful. I just burn through it like it’s nothing. That’s not what I want with you, Zira. You’re different. I want this to be different.” His face was pained as he tried to express the complex feelings that were overwhelming him.

Az was confused. “Um, what do you want, then?”

Crowley’s animalistic need had subsided enough for him to snuggle into Azira. “I want you,” he confessed. “Every tenderness. Every touch. I want to feel every part of you. Not just sex or satisfaction. I want us. I want to feel connected.”

Aziraphale sighed and tried to interpret what that could mean to Crowley. He grasped his hand and interlaced their fingers. “Tell me your name. Your real name,” he whispered.

“Anthony.”

“Well then, Anthony,” Azira breathed. “Let’s just be us.” He pressed his forehead against Anthony’s and let their lips hover just out of reach. They breathed in each other’s breath and held one another, listening to the sound mutual heartbeats.

When he felt it was right, Aziraphale kissed Anthony slowly and tenderly. Their tongues barely touched and retreated, savoring the feeling of each other’s hands softly exploring shoulders, arms, and waists. They stopped to revel in the closeness of their bodies, holding on to each other and trading whispered endearments.

Slowly, Aziraphale moved away to shrug off his t-shirt. He stripped off his pants and boxers next, standing still to let his partner see everything.

Crowley’s eyes darted over pale skin and succulent thighs. He squirmed as he took his fill of Azira’s pert pink nipples, the white-blonde hair scattered over his strapping chest and soft stomach, the thick erection straining away from his body.

“Oh my god,” Crowley moaned. “You’re so beautiful.” He stood to join him and let Azira pull off articles of his own clothing one by one. When he was done they stood facing one another with nowhere to hide. Azira took in the view hungrily, remembering the naked perfection of Crowley under the moonlight earlier. He never would have imagined he’d get the chance to touch him or have him like this, exposed and wanting.

Crowley was a few inches taller than Azira and had to tilt his head down to close the distance.

This kiss was hungrier than before, but Crowley was determined to let Azira set the pace. He guided Az back toward the bed where they nestled against one another, never losing contact. Azira kneeled back to admire Crowley laid out in front of him. His eyes and hands moved hungrily over the body he’d coveted at the pool.

Azira wrapped his hand around Anthony’s length and stroked slowly, causing the prone man to gasp with gratitude. With great care, Aziraphale leaned down and invited Anthony’s erection into his wet mouth. He licked up and down, focusing on the tip while his hand moved steadily at the base. He found Crowley was watching him with twitching lips. With another round, he started to pant heavily.

Aziraphale pulled back with a sly smile. “Am I doing it right?” he asked innocently.

“Oh,” Anthony stuttered. “No wrong way to do it.”

“I never have before. Show me?” Az whimpered coquettishly. Anthony was on top of him before he’d finished the short sentence.

Anthony wanted nothing more than to undo Aziraphale piece by piece. He took his time kissing Azira’s outer thighs, his hip bones, the tender spot below his navel. He licked down and followed the trail to his stiff sex, lingering at the base before stroking his tongue up to the tip. Azira trembled with pleasure, his fingers moving through Crowley’s red hair.

Crowley swallowed him down smoothly, applying pressure and suction in intervals. It wasn’t long before Azira was gasping and thrusting his hips up to chase the feeling. It was too good. He wasn’t going to last.

Crowley sensed his building need and sped up the pace, wanting nothing more than to bring Aziraphale to the edge, to blind him with desperate release that only Crowley could provide. Azira couldn’t stop his hands from digging into Crowley’s skull and holding him as he fucked his mouth desperately. He thrust in once, twice, then came with a muffled shout as hot ejaculate pulsed down Crowley’s throat. “Anthony!” Az couldn’t help but cry out.

Azira fell back and Crowley unsheathed his cock, smiling ruefully. It took a few minutes for Az to return to reality. When he did, his eyes were focused and dark. Crowley was lying at his side as patient as a saint.

“Let me do that to you,” Aziraphale breathed. Crowley wasn’t about to decline.

Azira pulled his wrecked body down to level off at Crowley’s waist. His mouth kissed over Crowely’s shaft passionately, alternatively tonguing and sucking along his hard length. His approach had shifted drastically from the first attempt. There was no hesitation, just a robust confidence and excitement. Crowley gasped under his renewed vigor.

Azira drifted down off of the bed until he was on his knees. His hands grasped under Crowley’s knees and swifty pulled him to the edge of the bed, bringing along half the bedsheets with him. From this angle Crowley’s feet touched the floor, allowing him to thrust up into Aziraphale’s mouth, which covered his cock and sucked deliciously.

Crowley looked down and made eye contact with Azira. He looked like a disgraced angel, dirty and reverent at the same time as he worshipped Crowley’s body. Crowley had never felt anything like this before. It was sensual and hot as hell but he wasn’t disconnecting from Azira emotionally. He never wanted to stop staring into the blonde’s beautiful eyes as he savored this feeling.

Eventually his body broke down and he had to relent, twisting his hips to find the perfect angle. Azira hummed, and Crowley let go, a wave of tingling pleasure coursing through his abdomen. Aziraphale smiled as he crashed down next to him on the bed, both spent. They fell asleep tangled in each other’s arms.


	7. Our unfurnished eyes

Crowley woke up with Aziraphale’s face pressed into his bare shoulder. His arm was draped around Crowley’s waist and he was being snuggled from behind. Crowley glowed with happiness. He didn’t want to shift and wake Az up but the blonde was already stirring. Crowley rolled over to face him.

“Good morning,” Crowley said tenderly.

“Hello, Anthony,” Azira replied languidly. “Sleep well?”

Crowley stretched his arms out before letting them settle into Azira’s warm curves, bringing him closer. Lucifer had never allowed this kind of intimacy, and it felt heavenly with Aziraphale.

“I had a really, really good time with you last night,” Crowley breathed.

Azira closed his eyes and kissed Crowley tenderly on the lips. “Me too.”

“I should take you out properly,” Crowley said suddenly. “I mean, if you’re ready. I know last night was kind of fast, especially after your breakup.”

Az looked surprised. “I wasn’t the only one who had a breakup last night. And you were with Lucifer a lot longer than I was with Gabriel. I’m over it, for my part, I can promise you. But...are you sure you’re ready to move on this quickly? I can...wait for you, if…”

Crowley dug his fingers into Aziraphale’s shoulders and held him still. “Believe me when I say that any thoughts of Lucifer are only when drawn in comparison to you. What I mean by that is, I can’t stop appreciating everything that you’re offering me, things that Lucifer never had or never could give. I don’t think I could wait for you any longer than I have, Zira. I feel like I’ve been waiting for you my whole life.”

Azira’s glowing smile nearly burned Crowley’s eyes. He’d never seen a vision of contentedness quite like it. Their hands and legs intertwined as they moved into a passionate kiss. Just as things started to heat up, a door opened downstairs. Aziraphale’s parents!

Crowley sprang out of bed and had half-yanked his clothing on before a hand stopped him. Aziraphale was shaking his head with a smile. “What on earth are you doing?”

“Your parents!” he whispered loudly. “I can’t let them find me here!”

Azira laughed. “What are they going to do, spit-roast you?”

“Maybe!” Crowley nearly shouted, looking for the closest window to jump out of. Aziraphale finally realized that the redhead was actually terrified out of his mind.

“Anthony,” he declared. “My parents know I’m gay.”

Crowley’s wild eyes focused briefly. “Wait, what?”

“They know I’m gay,” Azira explained. “And furthermore, they treat me like the adult I am. They are going to be happy to meet you.”

Crowly paled. Did this mean Azira would want to meet his father someday? He cringed internally. “I don’t really do parents,” he managed before moving toward the window again.

Aziraphale pulled him back into his arms. “You told me you wanted things to be different with us,” he reminded. Crowley nodded. “You said you wanted something real, a meaningful connection, right?” Crowley nodded again. “This is where it begins,” Az finished.

Crowley tried to force himself into understanding what Azira had just said. It wasn’t going to be like how it was with Lucifer. Aziraphale wanted him to be part of his life, part of his world. Not just a side item picked up when needed. He took a steadying breath.

“So I’m going to meet your parents,” Crowley said woodenly. Azira smiled and pulled on some clean clothes.

“Yeah,” he confirmed. “And it’s going to be fine.”

Crowley considered this before his eyes widened again. “And what about Gabriel? Won’t they think you’re cheating on him?”

Az snorted. “Trust me, they never got very comfortable with him. They’re going to be overwhelmingly pleased to meet you instead.”

-

Aziraphale’s parents were straight out of a 1950s television show. Their kindness was only trumped by their warmth and genuine interest in everything Azira cared about. It turned out that this extended to Crowley as well, making him feel like an alien crash-landed in an alternative universe.

“Hello there Anthony,” Azira’s mum said as she wrapped him into a hug. “Call me Anne. This is Remy.” He was a robust man who favored Jack Nicholson the tiniest bit.

Az’s father followed up with a hearty handshake. “Always nice to meet a friend of Aziraphale’s,” he said. Crowley noticed how Remy shot a look at Azira while wiggling his eyebrows. “Especially such a handsome friend!”

“Oh yes!” Anne agreed. “So strapping! And what a groovy fashion sense!” Her blonde hair and hazel eyes matched her son’s perfectly.

“Mum,” Azira laughed, holding one hand over his blushing face.

Azira’s dad brought out a box of pastries and laid them on the counter while Anne started a pot of coffee. The two hummed around each other while encouraging the boys to dig in. Crowley couldn’t help but notice how the parents doted on one another.

“Well my dear,” Remy said loudly to his wife. “I suppose we should get to unpacking!”

Anne looked disappointed. “But I’m only just getting to know Anthony! I haven’t even had a chance to ask about his college plans or bringing up or what sort of dream he loves best!”

Azira snorted while Remy steered his reluctant wife away with a knowing wink. “Nope, best leave them to it. We’ve got oodles and oodles to unpack. Then there’s the Harrisons’ party in a few hours. Lots to do, my love.”

Anne went with him sullenly, which only made Aziraphale laugh harder. “Oh they’re a lot, huh? Probably should have warned you.” His back was turned to pour them a few cups of coffee. “Sugar? Cream?” he asked as he turned around.

He noted the inscrutable look on Crowley’s face. Az stepped forward tentatively. He suddenly realized the redhead hadn’t actually said a single word since they’d come downstairs, just a few grunts and nods when absolutely necessary. “Anthony?” he asked.

Crowley blinked and a tear fell down his cheek but he didn’t respond. Aziraphale was on top of him immediately. “Oh, Anthony, tell me what’s wrong! Was it something they said? Did I do something?”

Crowley looked over at him as if seeing him for the first time. “Um. My family’s not like that,” was all he could muster. Azira pulled him close and kissed his temple tenderly. He wished he had the divine grace to liberate Crowley from all his pain, past and present. Instead he hugged the redhead tightly and promised himself he would never add to the scars that marred Crowley’s soul, whatever those may be.

-

Aziraphale watched Crowley’s anxiety increase the closer they got to the Abbey Wood Caravan Club. The park was frequented by tourists in motorhomes throughout the year, and Crowley had explained how his father was allowed to live on site as a maintenance worker. All the same, it was clear that the redhead had no interest in Azira running into said father, or even to see his residence. But Az would not allow him to take a bus and insisted on driving him home.

“It must have taken you forever to get to school,” Azira noted.

Crowley shrugged. “About an hour by bus,” he replied. “I’d usually just crash at Lucifer’s. He was a lot closer. Either way, I’m glad I don’t have to commute anymore.”

They finally pulled up to the park and Crowley directed Aziraphale down winding paths offset by campers and their families. The park was particularly busy in the early summer months, which was a relief to Crowley as he realized his dad would be occupied elsewhere. They arrived at the humble trailer and Crowley jumped out of the car.

“Well thanks for…” he began.

Az gave him a pointed stare. “You won’t invite me in?”

Crowley crumpled. “You don’t want to go in there. Believe me.”

Azira turned off the car and stepped out. “Actually, I would. I want to see your world, even the bad parts.”

Crowley turned this over in his mind. As much as he craved intimacy he also realized there would be a lot of work on his end to open up fully to Aziraphale. That meant some of the process could be painful. He had to find his courage or else he’d ruin one of the best things that ever happened to him. He didn’t want to end up like Lucifer.

“Alright,” he said softly, leading the blonde toward the door. They stepped inside and Crowley hung back against the wall looking down at the floor while Azira surveyed the interior.

Plates all over the counter. Haphazard ashtrays and old cups masquerading as such. Can pyramids and piles in every corner. Azira just turned back toward him and smiled. “Cozy!” he cheered. “Where’s your room?”

Crowley’s face burned as he led Az toward the back bedroom. It had a folding door rather than a proper one. He unlatched it and they walked inside, barely enough room for the two of them. There wasn’t much inside other than a single bed built into the side, a few band posters that matched Azira’s, and a bookshelf.

Az sat down on the bed and started surveying Crowley’s books, humming appreciatively.

“I’m going to take a shower,” Crowley announced. Az nodded and was momentarily distracted by Crowley stripping off his shirt and pants like it was nothing. Aziraphale knew that was a sight he’d never get used to, in the best way possible. Crowley shot him a sweet smile before moving into the bathroom. The water switched on and Az turned back to the books.

A number of classics aligned the shelves along with school textbooks. A few others caught his attention, however. Stuffed back behind the usual fare was a stack of thick comic books from the Sandman series. Az opened the cover of the first book and saw a Sharpie-penned inscription on the title page.

“You’re my Dream,” it said. “One day we’ll escape together.” It was signed by Lucifer. Azira quickly shut the comic and replaced it on the shelf, flushed with embarrassment. He felt like he’d just violated Crowley’s privacy. There was another reason for his discomfort though. He’d started to think about the years Lucifer and Crowley had spent together. The fact that their relationship had been...consummated. The way the pair matched each other so well. Az couldn’t help but fear as he stared at the offending comic on the shelf. Was he just a temporary replacement? His recent experience with Gabriel had really thrown his self-esteem for a loop.

Sitting in the tiny trailer, Azira wondered how two so mismatched as he and Crowley could ever be together in the same way.

The water shut off and Crowley emerged in a towel, wiping some of the recent concerns right out of Azira’s head. He watched water droplets run down Crowley’s shoulders, chest, and abdomen hungrily. Crowley noticed his dilated pupils and pulled Az up, pressing him against a bare wall.

“Like what you see?” he smirked.

Az blew out a slow breath and nodded. His eyes fluttered closed as Crowley pinned him against the wall and kissed him softly. They had barely begun when the front door slammed open and a gruff voice rang called Crowley’s name.

Quickly, Crowley shoved Azira into the corner and willed him to be still. “Don’t move. Don’t talk. Don’t go out there. No matter what you hear. Understand?”

Azira nodded quickly even as he trembled. He was frightened for Crowley.

Sadly, Crowley was quite used to this scenario and boldly made his way to the living room. “What?” he asked sarcastically.

“Did you steal that car you fucking vandal?” the man’s voice boomed. Aziraphale heard the sound of a can opening.

“Some tourists left it here this morning,” Crowley answered defensively.

“Ha! Yeah, right,” the man replied angrily. “Just like the Corvette. Are you trying to get me fired boy? Want to go back to living in the truck?”

Azira blanched from his hiding place. He’d had no idea…

Crowley tried to explain but was cut off by a muffled crash and loud noise Azira couldn’t discern. He heard Crowley hacking as the man’s voice laughed.

“Get rid of it,” the man spat. “Or I’ll get rid of you.” The sound of an empty can slammed on the counter was followed by the slam of a hasty exit through the door. Azira peered round the corner hesitantly.

He ran forward when he saw Crowley on the floor pinching his nose.

“Dear Lord!” Az cried. “Anthony! Are you alright?”

The redhead sat up and smiled weakly. “S’not broken this time so that’s a start. Can you get me something out of the freezer?”

Azira ran to the kitchen and nearly stepped on a mouse in his haste, bringing out an alarmed shriek. He turned toward the counter and had to stifle a scream at the assembled cockroaches who were currently enjoying leftover takeout. When he managed to open the freezer he was met by a single bag of peas.

He was so flustered by the time he returned to Crowley that he couldn’t hide it from his face. Crowley noticed right away and covered his nose with the bag. “Um, you should probably get on,” he said. “Before he comes back and does something worse.”

Azira nodded, not sure if that was really the right thing to do. Should he take Crowley with him? He couldn’t leave him here alone.

“Seriously, I’ll be fine,” Crowley forced out. “Please go.” Az did as he was asked.


	8. Soul, take thy risk

That night Crowley met up with his friend Lilith at a bar in Soho where she worked. She’d missed out on the ‘party of the century’ and he had to spend a lot of time catching her up in between customers.

For her part, Lilith was happy to hear about a number of developments, especially Crowley’s split from Lucifer.

“That kid was bad news,” she stated as she refilled Crowley’s beer glass. “This other guy sounds pretty intriguing though. What’s his deal?”

Crowley smiled and stared down at the bar counter. “Oh you know, right side of the tracks sort. Angelic. Smart. Well-off.”

Lilith beamed brightly in sharp contrast to her black spikey hair. “I like what I’m hearing, Anth,” she said. “Gonna bring him round any time soon?”

Crowley’s smile lost altitude. “Dunno. I’m sort of scared I ran him off this morning. My dad...well, he met my dad sort of.”

“Fuck,” Lilith said instantly, biting her lip. “But if he’s right for you he’ll stick around. And you’re getting out of here anyways. You’ll be looking at your dad in the rearview before too long.”

Crowley nodded. That day couldn’t come soon enough.

He was interrupted by the unsettling sound of familiar laughter behind him. He turned slightly to see Hastur and Ligur settling into a booth behind him. “Fuck’s sake,” Crowley breathed. He let his forehead slip into his hand. He barely heard the sound of someone rustling into the chair next to him, but he definitely felt the hand on his knee.

“Well, well,” Lucifer drawled. “Look what we have here.”

Crowley glared at him. “What do you want?” he asked sharply.

Lilith eyed him from the other side of the bar where she was tending to a growing line of customers. He could tell she wanted to run over and hit Lucifer with a barstool.

Lucifer turned in his chair so that he was facing Crowley directly. “You know what I want,” he replied easily. “But more importantly, you know that I always get what I want.”

Crowley blew a puff of air toward his bangs.

“Ouch,” Lucifer said, noting the bruised spots around Crowley’s face. “Looks like I missed showtime at Abbey Wood. You know I’ve told you before...you only need to say the word and daddy’s yesterday’s problem.”

“Generous of you,” Crowley grumbled. “But I can take care of myself.”

Lucifer’s fingers combed through the bright red hair above and behind Crowley’s ear, and he couldn’t help but lean into the touch slightly. The familiar routine was written into muscle memory.

“Listen. Forget about all this nonsense...school...the new boy...last night. Admit that deep down you know we were meant for each other. I know how to make you feel good, how to make the demons go away.” Lucifer’s voice was hypnotic.

Memories coursed through Crowley’s body and he was entranced, Lucifer’s hand was moving steadily up his thigh. His lips brushed the exterior of Crowley’s ear. “Only I can make you scream.” His hand cupped Crowley through his jeans and the redhead jumped out of his chair to break the spell.

“Stop,” Crowley demanded. “It’s over. I’ve told you.”

Lilith had finally escaped the stream of customers and made her way over to Crowley. Her arms crossed over her chest protectively. “This guy bothering you, Anth?” she asked.

“I was just leaving anyways,” Crowley seethed. “I’ll see you later Lil,” he said.

Lucifer spun in his chair with delight as Crowley stormed out. His attention went back to the bar to notice Crowley had abandoned his drink. He confiscated it and made his way to Hastur and Ligur’s table, smiling all the way.

-

An hour later, Aziraphale opened the door of the bar for Anathema and they walked in. Lucifer was at least four in when his eyes narrowed on the blonde with excited recognition. It was too good to be true.

“Are you sure this is the right place?” Azira was asking.

Anathema glanced around looking for Newt. “Pretty sure,” she said. “Let me call him. I’m going to step outside where it’s quieter.”

“Alright, I need to run to the loo anyways,” Az said.

Lucifer bounced up and slammed his empty cup on the table. “Running to the little boys’ room, mates,” he said easily. “When I get back, round of shots on me!” Hastur and Ligur cheered drunkenly.

Lucifer followed Aziraphale to the bathroom and waited outside for a moment. When he entered Az was just washing his hands. Lucifer locked the door and stared smugly as Azira looked over his shoulder, having heard the click of the latch.

“Oh,” Az breathed shakily. “Um. Hello Lucifer.”

“Hello,” Lucifer purred. “Aziraphale, right?” He slunk forward like a cat stalking its prey.

Azira swallowed hard and grabbed a paper towel to dry his hands. Lucifer came to a stop just one foot in front of the blonde. “Have a nice time last night?” he asked silkily. “It sure looked like you were having fun. Especially when you were leaving with Crowley…”

Aziraphale couldn’t stop the nervous trembling in his hands so he clasped them behind his back. “I um...Well that is...he gave me a lift home, if that’s what you are referring to.”

“Oh I bet he did,” Lucifer said. His fingers moved up to trail over Azira’s cheek. “What a sweet little thing you are. How could he resist?”

Azira steeled himself. “Look I’m sorry it didn’t work out between you two.” Lucifer actually laughed, hugging his sides. Az had no idea how to respond, so he didn’t.

Lucifer calmed his laughter and put his hands on his hips. “Is that it?” he asked. “You think me and Crowley are over just like that?” He moved closer, inches away. “Do you really think a little puff like you could come between us? I mean, you’re darling in your own way but Crowley’s needs run deeper and darker than you’ll ever understand. Did he fuck you last night?”

Aziraphale was so shocked he shrank up against the closest stall door. “Why I...how vulgar!” he gasped.

Lucifer laughed again. “Just like I thought,” he said when he saw Aziraphale’s eyebrows shoot up. “Of course I know you’re a virgin. I can practically smell the innocence coming off of you in waves. Smells like...baby powder.”

Azira blanched, and suddenly Lucifer spun him around and pinned him against the hard surface of the stall. He felt Lucifer’s pelvis grinding into his arse.

“I’ll never forget the first time Crowley took me,” he moaned. “It was just like this. In a loo not unlike this one. He was so hungry for me he couldn’t wait for somewhere more private.”

Azira tried to shrug Lucifer off of him to no avail. His words were poison.

“When he fucked me I saw stars,” Lucifer continued. “He’s really good at what he does, not that you’ll ever know, but believe me. He’s a power top. You’d break with the first thrust.”

A harried knock came at the bathroom door and Azira looked back hopefully. Instead he just saw Lucifer’s crazed eyes. “My favorite was when he’d tie me up,” he continued. “Spank me with his bare hands or use the riding crop. Has he shown you his toybox? I can almost hear you crying just thinking about it. Just begging him to stop and let you go. He won’t.”

With that, Lucifer pushed Aziraphale away and backed up with his hands out in front of him. “You have no idea who you’re dealing with,” he chuckled. “But you’ll find out. Good luck little angel.”

Lucifer unbolted the door and disappeared. An annoyed man and his friend stepped into replace him, barely noticing Aziraphale cowering by the wall. With shaky legs, he ran out of the loo to find Anathema and got them the hell out of there.


	9. Like an adversity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Smutz...

Crowley hadn’t seen or heard from Aziraphale all week. If they were at school he could have run into him, but instead he’d need to find some other way. He located a school directory stuffed under his bed and tracked down Azira’s contact info. It was about ten minutes to the nearest pay phone, but he made the trek and dialed Az’s home number despite his worst fears.

His worst fears consisted of the following: Aziraphale had been too horrified by Crowley’s father and living arrangements to ever talk to him again. Az had realized he wanted Gabe and went back to him. Lucifer had tracked down Azira and murdered him. The worst one was that Azira simply wasn’t interested anymore. He was about to find out if any of these nightmare scenarios applied.

Anne answered the phone cheerfully, which warmed Crowley’s heart. When she realized it was him she started chirping about a gardening project and explaining how their new irrigation system worked. Aziraphale must have been in the room and have grown suspicious because Crowley heard his voice in the background.

“Oh, it’s Crowley dear,” she said. A muffled sound followed and Aziraphale came on the line.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry,” he said, noisily redirecting his mother toward something else.

Crowley couldn’t help but laugh. “It’s alright. I just um...I haven’t heard from you and I hoped everything was okay.”

“Yeah,” Azira said, a little pained. “Yeah it’s been a crazy week. Maybe we should talk about it. I um...I’ve really missed you.”

Crowley’s heart soared. “Can we meet up somewhere?” he asked excitedly. “I’m supposed to meet a friend at Market Row in Brixton today. Maybe we could get together after? Go to the pub?”

“I’d love that,” Azira agreed. “Trinity Arms is fantastic. How about 7:00?”

“I’ll see you there,” Crowley promised.

-

Crowley saw Aziraphale walking toward the pub entrance at the same time as him that evening. Crowley waved brightly and smiled. Az looked a little more hesitant with his smile, but came up and kissed him on the cheek all the same.

They found a table and got their drinks before having any substantial conversation. It was Azira who brought everything up first.

“I had to take some time to process everything,” he said. Crowley nodded with burning cheeks.

“You mean my dad...and my place?” he asked.

“Your dad, yes. I had no idea that things were like that for you. It’s been that way your whole life?” Az asked.

“Most of it. After my mum died,” Crowley did not elaborate. “I’m just really embarrassed that you saw that part of my life.”

Aziraphale scooted closer to Crowley on their shared bench and interlaced their hands under the table. “Don’t be embarrassed,” he said. “You have no control over the actions of others. What your dad did...what he’s done to you...it’s not your fault. Besides all that, look how much you’ve accomplished. You’re going to leave that place and never look back. I know you will.”

Crowley gave him a tiny smile. “You’re wonderful,” he said quietly.

“You’ve had a lot of terrible people in your life,” Azira continued, almost to himself. “People who would do anything to destroy your chances of success and happiness.”

Crowley tilted his head, listening carefully. “Zira,” he said calmly. “Did something else happen?”

Aziraphale stilled and looked at the tabletop. “I um...had the misfortune of running into Lucifer the other night.”

Crowley jerked to attention. “Did he hurt you?” he asked protectively.

“No...not physically. Not really,” Azira answered. “He was trying to scare me into not seeing you anymore. He told me about your relationship with him. Um...the things you two got up to physically. Said you liked some of the er….darker kinks and all.” His voice dipped so low at the end that Crowley had to strain to hear it.

“Ah,” he replied. “And the fact that you’re still here after all that… What does that mean?”

“Well,” Azira began. “It means a few different things now that I’ve had a chance to think it through. What I have concluded is that you are not like those people who have surrounded you. The fact that Lucifer would stoop so low can only mean that he knows he’s lost you. It was the act of a desperate man. And I choose to believe you when you say your end of it is finished. It gave me a lot of negative feelings to work through, even brought up some fears I’ve had about being betrayed, but I choose to believe that you really care about me. Why else would you show me where you lived or talk to me so openly about the past? Believe me when I say nothing and no one will scare me away from you.”

Crowley was floored. Speechless with Azira’s honesty and his courage to talk through difficult subjects. It felt so...adult. There was no manipulation or game playing. Aziraphale was authentic and loving. He milled these thoughts around and around in his head.

They sipped their drinks quietly for a while.

“I did have one question thought,” Aziraphale hedged. “About the um...the things you like to do.” Crowley choked on his drink.

Azira gazed at him with wide, innocent eyes. “You know,” his voice lowered. “BDSM stuff. Is that all true?”

Crowley went impossibly red. “I...have on occasion,” he admitted.

“Oh,” Aziraphale said quietly, his eyes growing impossibly larger. “Do you think...would you like to try them with me?”

Crowley spit out his drink entirely. “Jesus,” he gasped. “Zira, it doesn’t have to be like that between us. I don’t want you to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. And I would never, ever hurt you.”

“Not even if I asked you to?” Azira pushed.

“That’s...fuck,” Crowley sputtered. He couldn’t finish his sentence. Azira smiled to himself as he coquettishly sipped his drink. Lucifer thought he’d played the upper hand with his stories about Crowley’s dark desires. Instead, he’d just handed Azira a golden key to help Crowley open up while also having quite a bit of fun. Of course, that often happened when people underestimated Aziraphale, or assumed he was the cherub he appeared to be.

“Thanks, Luce,” he whispered to himself.

-

Crowley realized Aziraphale wasn’t driving him home shortly after they left the pub. “Where are we going?” he asked.

“You’re coming home with me,” Azira answered. Crowley watched the blonde out of the corner of his eye. His voice sounded kind of authoritative.

“I’m assuming that means I have no say in the matter?” he pressed. He saw the corner of Az’s mouth turn down into a half smirk. “Guess not.”

Crowley kept playing the conversation back in his head. If anything, this wasn’t how it was supposed to go. After tangling with Lucifer and finding out about his father, Aziraphale should have been running for the hills. Instead, he seemed pretty keen on getting Crowley back to his house...and maybe his bedroom, by the looks of it.

“Parents around?” Crowley asked casually.

“Out of town, I’m afraid,” Azira stated. “They’ll be so sorry to miss you.”

There was something edgy about his voice that shot shocks down Crowley’s spine. He didn’t dare ask any more questions.

When they walked through the front door Crowley could tell Azira’s energy was slowly amping up. He watched Crowley from behind as he took to the stairs, his eyes predatory. “Go on,” he urged. “I’ll be right up.”

Crowley made it to Azira’s room and sat down on the well-made bed. The room was immaculately clean, he noticed. Even the books had been arranged precisely on the shelves. For some reason it felt odd.

Azira came up a few minutes later and smiled brightly at Crowley. It helped break some of the tension he’d been feeling. Maybe he’d been reading into things too much. This was his dear Aziraphale, after all.

“Lay down,” Azira said cheerfully.

Crowley twitched. “I said lay down,” Azira repeated. The smile hadn’t left his face.

Crowley laid on the bed and shifted his eyes to Az nervously. “Very good,” Azira breathed. “Arms up please, yes, just over your head.”

Crowley found Azira leaning over him and couldn’t suppress his shock when a soft rope clenched over his right wrist. Immediately he stirred but Az pushed him back down again.

“Please,” Azira said with annoyance. The redhead lay prone while Azira finished tying his left wrist.

“Um, Aziraphale,” Crowley said gingerly. “What exactly are you…”

“Shh,” the blonde hushed him. “I’m busy.” He tied off Crowley’s ankles and pulled on the ropes to make sure they had just enough give. When he was satisfied, he stood over Crowley with his hands on his hips.

“Everyone thinks I’m so sweet and innocent,” he said plainly. “They have ideas about who I am and what I do based on surface appearances. And yes, it’s true that I’m a virgin, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t wanted things. I was just waiting for the right person to come along. Someone who saw me. Someone who got that romance and commitment are important to me. But you see there’s another side to me as well.”

Crowley shifted, testing his restraints. They were remarkably strong. “And what exactly does that look like?” he asked, heart fluttering in his chest.

“You tell me,” Azira smirked. “I mean, you actually get to tell me. What do you want me to do? What do you want me to do to you?”

Crowley realized suddenly that he was being asked to dominate while also playing subordinate. The idea left him writhing on the bed. Azira had found a way to even the odds.

“Ok,” Crowley breathed heavily. “Take off your shirt.” Az complied, unbuttoning it slowly and dropping it on the floor. Crowley bit his lip.

“Those too,” he said, eyeing his lower half. “I want everything off.” Azira stripped for Crowley, turning in a circle when he was finished. Crowley’s eyes were glued to Azira’s half-hard cock.

“Mm,” he grunted as he pulled on the ropes locking his hands down. “Touch yourself for me.”

Aziraphale grabbed a bottle of lube Crowley hadn’t noticed and squirted it on his hand, looking up deviously at him. Slowly, he began to stroke.

“Ohh,” Crowley groaned. “That’s good. Come closer.”

Azira knelt down by Crowley and let him watch as he fucked his own hand in and out of his covered fist. Crowley was so close he could taste it, but those fucking restraints held him out of reach. He squirmed on the bed.

“God, Aziraphale. Take off my clothes, please.”

Aziraphale stilled his ministrations to bring Crowley’s pants down to his ankles, but he couldn’t take them all the way off. His shirt was pushed up as far as it could go. Crowley loved the sensation of being naked and clothed at the same time. He made a strange moan in the back of his throat.

“Kiss my body,” he commanded. “Touch me everywhere.”

Azira leaned down and let their mutual erections glide together while he nibbled at Crowley’s hard nipples one by one. He kissed down the redhead’s sides and down his thighs. His hands clenched Crowley’s arsecheeks and slowly pulled his legs apart to stare down at his sex.

Crowley was visibly shaking. “I said everywhere,” he intoned.

Azira dipped to gently suck in one of Crowley’s testicals and the redhead spasmed. Az alternated from one side to another tracing his tongue over their exquisite shape. His hand came up to coat Crowley’s erection in leftover lubricant, causing an influx of thrusting hips and flexed thighs.

“Oh god,” Crowley moaned. “Fuck Aziraphale. Fuck! God, I want you to…” he hesitated and Az looked up curiously.

“What’s that?” he asked innocently. “What do you want me to do?”

“You fucking tease,” Crowley growled in desperate frustration. “I want you to finger me. Slowly. One by one. Use the lube.”

Azira obeyed and slipped one finger inside, twisting as he swirled it in Crowley’s heated body. He added a second and third as Crowley commanded, pushing in and out with delicate attention to Crowley’s growing need.

“That’s it,” Crowley hummed, picking up the pace with his hips. “God you feel so good. I wish you were inside me my love.”

Crowley was so far gone he hadn’t realized what he said until Aziraphale withdrew his fingers. Crowley looked up to see an unsteady expression on Azira’s face.

“Oh fuck,” Crowley started to apologize, but he didn’t get the chance. Azira smiled and slid himself into Crowley’s ready opening. The pair groaned together as Aziraphale filled him up to the hilt in slow thrusts. The look on Azira’s face was enough to undo Crowley completely. All he could do was watch as the gorgeous blonde dipped in and out, reveling in the sensation.

“You feel so good,” Azira groaned. “I’m...oh god...I can’t last…”

“Shh,” Crowley comforted. “I don’t want you to. Look at me Azira.”

Aziraphale glanced up and locked eyes with the redhead. “That’s it love,” Crowley directed. “Keep going. Move a little faster. Take your pleasure from me.”

Azira groaned again, shuddering a little as he picked up the pace. He was struggling to keep an even rhythm. With another few thrusts he went still and gasped, his muscles giving up on him even as he came inside Crowley. His head dropped down onto Crowley chest as if he’d just been shot from behind. Crowley chuckled despite himself.

“Wha?” Az tried. “Ws so fnny?” His mouth moved against Crowley’s torso.

“Nothing,” the redhead mumbled. “Nothing at all. God you’re beautiful like this. I want to touch you but I can’t.”

Aziraphale stirred, only just remembering and managed to undo the restraints on Crowley’s wrists. He fell back down on the bed, letting Crowley work out of the ankle ropes on his own. Crowley stood and stretched luxuriously. He looked down at the soft white body below him. Aziraphale was spread out on his stomach, breathing lightly.

“So beautiful,’ Crowley purred. He couldn’t help but stroke at his own cock while reveling in the vision. Azira turned to glance around his shoulder, eyeing the scene with extreme interest.

“I’m so exhausted,” the blonde pouted. “It would be just awful if something were to happen to me, being as vulnerable as I am right now.”

“Oh yeah?” Crowley gasped. He watched Azira’s hips tit back while his thighs spread apart on the bed. It was the hottest thing he’d ever seen.

Crowley wasted no time with the lube claimed from the shelf behind him. He worked Azira slowly but steadily, prepping him for much longer than he’d needed himself. He wanted Azira’s first time to be perfect.

Aziraphale pushed back at Crowley’s touch and moaned softly, his interest picking up after a short refractory period. At last he started to whimper for Crowley to fill him up. Crowley needed no further invitation. He sank into Aziraphale and stopped when he bottomed out. He waited for Azira to start moving, indicating his growing comfort with the invasion of his body.

The comfort turned into wantonness as Azira started to beg for Crowley to push harder, to move faster. Crowley obliged until he was nearing his typical speed and pace.

“Are you alright?” he checked in. Az turned his face back toward him and commanded, “Shut the fuck up and fuck me harder Anthony.”

At last, Crowley went all out, practically slamming into Azira as he took his pleasure. He readjusted the blonde so that he was sitting up in his lap, thrusting upward while gripping his thighs. He heard Azira cry out and grabbed his cock from behind, pumping steadily. When Crowley came, Azira followed him. They fell down like a pair of rag dolls and gasped in tandem until they had returned to their normal breathing.

“Well?” Crowley asked to Aziraphale’s back. “How was it?”

Azira rolled over and the look of pure bliss and adoration nearly knocked Crowley backward. They kissed for the first time that evening. Crowley couldn’t help but think it was almost better than the sex. Very nearly.


	10. Pardon My Sanity In A World Insane

Gabriel had a plan. He opened the envelope with the concert ticket inside. No one, especially someone as insignificant as Aziraphale would ever make him look foolish again. He seethed as he remembered the public rejection that followed his performance with Beelzebub. He should have been more discreet like all the other times, but he got caught and subsequently humiliated in front of all his friends.

But Gabriel knew Azira well enough to know this concert would be irresistible to the blonde. And surely, he’d bring along his new boyfriend. It was the perfect trap. Neither of them would ever suspect.

-

Aziraphale couldn’t believe his eyes. Crowley had just handed him a ticket to see the Cure! He was speechless, but finally spoke up when he saw the anxiety written all over Crowley’s face.

“I love it!” Azira cried as he tackled Crowley to the ground. “Thank you thank you thank you!” He peppered Crowley’s face and neck with wet kisses.

“Alright, alright!” Crowley joked.

“I just can’t believe it!” Az said in amazement. “I thought they’d stopped touring!”

“Just for awhile,” Crowley answered. “As soon as I saw they were playing I knew we had to go.”

Azira snuggled into Crowley’s side, still holding his ticket in front of him like a treasure. “This Saturday?” he asked. Crowley nodded as he nibbled on Azira’s earlobe.

“Amazing,” Az said. “This is going to be the best night of our lives!”

-

The opening band was finishing their set when Az and Crowley arrived at Hyde Park. It was filled with tons of people, but they were able to navigate halfway to the stage. It was a beautiful evening with just a touch of cool wind.

“I’m going to grab a drink,” Crowley announced. “You want anything?”

“Whatever you’re having is fine,” Azira replied. He watched with fondness as Crowley walked toward a vendor’s table not far away.

He was shocked out of his reverie by a looming shadow, and turned to see Gabriel, of all people.

“Aziraphale,” Gabriel intoned seriously. His eyes were full of contrition.

Azira sniffed. “Gabriel. What are you doing here? I thought you hated this band.”

Gabriel shrugged. “This is going to sound crazy but I knew you would come. I wanted to talk to you. Please?”

Az stifled his automatic eye rolling and nodded. “Sure, fine. What’s up?”

Gabriel crossed his arms and stared at the ground. “I was such a prick,” he admitted.

Azira laughed. “That’s an understatement. But don’t worry about it. I’m with Anthony now and we’re really happy together. I’m sure you’ve moved on as well.”

Gabriel moved closer. “I am sorry for what happened. I got caught up in all the attention and I slipped. I’ve never been very good at the whole dating thing. I really wanted to make it work with you.”

Azira shrugged lightly. “Well, it didn’t work out but I’m fine, really.”

Gabriel rested a hand on Azira’s shoulder. “Please accept my apology,” he begged. Azira looked at Gabriel’s hand and scrunched his nose.

“It’s nothing, I promise,” Az said slowly. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Crowley making his way back. He rejoiced internally. The sooner this awkward reunion was over, the better.

Gabriel leaned in, his head angled down. “I can’t tell you how much that means to me,” he said.

Aziraphale blinked and started to reply but he was interrupted when Gabriel’s lips landed on his own. Shocked to his core, Azira found that he couldn’t move. Gabriel’s arms encircled him and squeezed so that Az couldn’t escape. As clarity came back to him, Azira struggled to get away. The last image he saw was Crowley’s shocked face surfacing in the crowd.

It took all of Azira’s strength to push Gabriel away. “What the fuck are you doing?” Az complained. He stormed off toward Crowley, hoping to explain the bizarre situation.

Gabriel watched him go with smug satisfaction. Surely that would do the trick for the new couple.

Azira saw the back of Crowley’s head and tried to chase him down. Crowley was holding two drinks and making his way back to the vendor’s table. Az prayed he would hear him out. When he finally got close enough to touch him, Azira yanked on the back of his shirt. Crowley turned around with wide eyes.

“That wasn’t…” Az tried. “He just kissed me and I didn’t want to and I don’t know what it looked like to you but I swear I would never and…”

Crowley smiled wide and giggled. Actually giggled. Azira was terribly confused until Crowley wrapped an arm around him.

“I know,” Crowley soothed. “Believe me, if you could have seen the look on your face… You definitely didn’t seem like you were savoring the moment.” He used the pad of his thumb to wipe Azira’s lips clean.

Azira relaxed and let out a heavy sigh. “So you believe me?” he asked.

“Of course I do. I just came back over here because I forgot our straws,” Crowley replied. “It was so obvious that Gabriel planned all of that. If he actually believes that I would break up with you over that he’s dumber than I ever imagined. You and me are made of stronger stuff. I’m proud to call you my boyfriend.”

Az nuzzled into Crowley’s neck. “Oh, Anthony,” he breathed. “Everything has just been crazy from the start. I wish we’d met when we were both single. Our exes are officially insane.”

Crowley nodded in agreement. “But that’s what they are: exes. They belong to the past. You and me are the present. And the future.” He kissed into Azira’s blonde curls. “You know something?” he said quietly. “I absolutely adore you. You’re the first thing I think about when I wake up in the morning.”

Azira melted into him. “Me too,” he agreed. “Honestly I wouldn’t take anything back. That ridiculous party, us getting trapped on the roof in bath robes, and later that night… Especially later that night.”

Crowley laughed. The two were so enamoured with one another that they hardly recognized the screams of the crowd as The Cure walked on. The opening notes of “Just Like Heaven” rang through the evening air.

Crowley leaned down and kissed Azira gently. “I don’t think there’s anything in the world that I love half as much as you,” he said.

Az nearly swooned when their lips met again. “Oh my darling,” he breathed. Crowley’s head jerked up attentively.

“And they’re playing our song!" Crowley cheered. He grabbed a pair of straws and pushed Azira toward the stage. Soon they were lost in the crowd, the relaxing vibe of the concert, and most importantly, in their love for one another.

-

As summer turned to fall Crowley and Aziraphale skipped the dorms and opted to share a quaint property owned by Azira’s grandmother. For her part, she was overjoyed to have reliable tenants for once, and the couple rejoiced in their small fenced-in yard with a view over a little pond out back.

“I should say we’re properly domestic, now,” Azira sighed. School would begin in a matter of days, but for now they enjoyed basking for long hours in each other’s company.

“I should say so,” Crowley agreed. “Here’s to the adventure ahead.”

They clinked their glasses of red wine and stared at the setting sun.


End file.
